how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
