They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
