I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
