I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
