Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
