I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
