Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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