I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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