Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
did you just send me my own nude
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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