i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
