your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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