i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
