It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm having to shit out rocks
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
