I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
