'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
