I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
