omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she looked like the before picture.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
This toilet bowl is my home.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
