the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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