i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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