and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
