i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
