never play flip cup with pint glasses
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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