This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
