I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dignity is for republicans.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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