just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
How's work?
Spinning.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
