I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
