I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
