my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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