oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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