Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
