just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
