I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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