This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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