I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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