I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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