try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
