this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
How's work?
Spinning.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
