How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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