My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
