I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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