I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
