I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
