At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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