Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
