Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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