So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This baby is an asshole
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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