My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
