Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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