You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
