I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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