that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
