Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
