What did we do last night that was yellow?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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