Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
