I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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